by Emily Murray DTM District Director
Fake it ‘til you make it.
This is one of my biggest guiding mantras. I don’t have to know everything, I don’t have to have done everything, I don’t even have to be sure I can do it, I just fake it until I get there.
“Stay afraid but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it anyway, and eventually the confidence will follow.” – Carrie Fisher.
Carrie Fisher was right. And here in Toastmasters we do this constantly. First, we VISIT a club full of people we probably don’t know – omygosh that’s petrifying already! But then we COME BACK. And then we JOIN. And then we take a role, and then take another role, and give a speech, and then give another speech. Slowly we learn to make our nervous butterflies fly in formation. We were not confident when we started, we may not be confident now, but we aren’t letting that fear stop us from the growth we know that we are capable of. We need this growth – that’s why we’re here. More than that, we share that growth with others. We take roles, give speeches, do projects, lead meetings, mentor others, and even earn our DTMs, and all along the way, not only are others helping us, we are helping others.
Ok, sure, some of us aren’t afraid of visiting a club with unknown people, or even the talking…it’s the leadership growth that is scary. The opportunities to light and grow the sparks in others can be intimidating. Or maybe the fear is something else entirely. Everyone’s fears are different. I am fortunate that I don’t really struggle with imposter syndrome. But I don’t always recognize my own value. As the kid from the single-wide trailer, we were so rural I had a graduating high school class of 44. I was the first one in the family to graduate college and the first to work a white-collar job. Sometimes I feel like I’m out of my depth. And that’s my fear…being out of my depth, lost, and unsupported.
I know, however, that I can’t let it stop me. Fear kills dreams and hopes. If you can fake it ‘til you make it, there’s no telling where you will go along the way. Faking it has taken me to places I never dreamed of when I was young. I not only went to college, but I lived in both Taiwan and New Zealand for years. Face the challenges right in front of you. As you knock down the small ones, you knock holes in the big ones, and by the time all the little ones are taken care of, the big ones are gone! Faking the confidence has allowed me to do amazing things that fear would have stopped before they even became dreams, much less realities. And eventually…it’s not faking it. I don’t have to fake it anymore because I can. I can, I have, and I did. Knowing that gives me real confidence.
But that ability is like a muscle…you can lose it if you don’t practice. Does that mean we need to do something huge and scary and challenging every day? No. I have always liked this quote from Abraham Maslow “One can choose to go back towards safety or forward towards growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” So…you just keep going.
What I learned early in my Toastmasters journey is that my Toastmasters family will never let me fall, will never let me fail, and will support, encourage, and push me to succeed. More than anything they will believe that I can do it. From Toastmasters, I also learned to believe that I can do it. And I hope that I can do that for my fellow Toastmasters in return.
That’s all there is to Toastmasters – believing that we can do it, taking those opportunities to say yes even when we are scared, and knowing that our Toastmasters family will never let us fail and will never let us face it alone. As Oprah Winfrey made clear, “We can’t become what we need to be by remaining who we are.” So how can we help you grow? What challenge is in front of you that you need to conquer? How can Toastmasters help you do that?
